They say that one has to experience on their own, those feelings when you are going to give birth, which is very true.
The day that I came to know that I’m pregnant I was so happy and on the other side had some type of fear of how will I face labor pain whether normal or c-section can I take it? But surely there is some power for every woman who becomes a mother that we take all the pain just wanting to see our child’s face.
My nine months passed very fast, and it was surely a bad time as covid second wave was going on. Physically I became weak due to heavy vomiting and mentally upset as I saw people dying whom I knew. Anxiety grew more but as my parents and husband supported me I became bold and thought life has to go on, my baby’s health is important to me.
Mom cooked whatever I loved to eat and dad pampered me a lot, as usual, my husband fed me at times whenever I refused to eat or drink, especially the protein shake which I hated to drink but for baby’s sake I somehow drank.
Every month my hubby accompanied me for check-ups and monthly they use to do blood tests. Whenever they used to take blood from the syringes I was scared as it was painful but slowly I got used to it too.
In the last month as they did an internal check-up to see the baby’s position I cried a lot when they did the test, but my doctor was so friendly that she encouraged me a lot and during the second internal test in my last month that is October last week as they finished doing internal test me and my husband decided that we don’t want normal delivery as I have anxiety and due to too much of anxiousness it might affect baby and me and we opted for C-section. One thing we must appreciate about the hospital rules is that they allowed my husband inside the operation theatre.
Our covid tests were done and other formalities were done before getting admitted.
We were so excited that with just a few more days to go, the baby will be in our hands.
The doctor told me not to eat anything, even water while getting admitted. The previous day, October 27th my husband asked me what I like to eat, I had kulcha, Paneer curry, and yummy pizzas. That night none of us slept properly as we were so excited and real excitement was packing for the hospital bag. Dad was ironing the baby’s clothes and we were all thinking just a few hours to go we will come to know the gender. Boy or girl we never bothered if the baby is healthy. That is enough.
As I had to get admitted at 5 am, I got up at 4:30 am as I didn’t sleep properly, took a bath, and prayed to God to give me the strength to bear the pain. We will do it.
My husband looked nervous, my dad hugged me and told me I’ll come later as bozo, my pet dog, was alone, Mom looked nervous too and kept on praying to all Gods.
My elder brother came to pick me up and he was saying everything will go on smoothly, don’t worry.
I went to the labor room as my husband was busy doing some formalities. The nurse told me to leave my slippers and come inside and I went inside and they gave me the patient’s dress.
They did all the things that had to be done before going to the operation theatre.
Checked the baby’s heartbeat, pulse rate, BP, etc.
The assistant doctors brought some documents to be signed by me.
We had chosen the delivery timings between 9 am to 9:30 am.
I was asking my husband what was the time now and then, and my husband was showing me his phone to see as my younger brother is texting, I was like take my photo in this dress and send it.
When my doctor came she asked me if I was ready, I said yes mam. They opened all the doors and took me on the stretcher, I was looking for my husband but he had gone to change his dress as he had to accompany me to the operation theatre.
The most emotional moment for me was when they were taking me on the stretcher, the main doors were closed and a small transparent window was open. As they were closing the main doors I saw my mother standing and they closed doors. She just waved her hand to me and I could see tears rolling down her eyes as they stopped the stretcher. My mom peeped through that glass door and showed her hand. I could understand through her lip movements that she said God is there and he will take care of you. I felt strange at that time, things were weirdly running across my mind that is this the last time I’m going to see my mother, etc but I thought no we must not think like that what will happen will happen, thankfully dad hadn’t reached yet if I had seen him I would have cried more.
As I entered the operation theatre I was shocked to see a small long bed, wondering how will I sleep on this, as it was the first time.
The worst part is all were men doctors but they are doctors they save our lives.
As they gave anesthesia to my back one of the doctors was holding me, asking some questions like is this your first baby, which year did you get married, etc.
They laid me on the bed, put the oxygen mask on, took one hand and locked it on one side and the other on the other side, and covered a curtain on top of me so that I won’t be able to see my body further.
One of the doctors told me that I’ll have no sensation in my legs, he touched my legs. I felt like I had no legs. My doctor came in, and I could hear her shouting at the other Assistant doctors, I just closed my eyes and when they started the surgery I started feeling pain and the doctor behind me was asking let me know if you are getting pain. I was telling the doctor I was feeling everything, give me another injection please, all the time I kept calling mummy it’s painful.
I could hear the doctors talking that her pulse rate is going down and call her husband immediately, as my husband came, the funniest part is I thought my husband was some surgeon who has come to take the baby out, I never knew it was him, I was thinking that this surgeon looks good, if he takes out his mask we can see his face properly. Handsome surgeon. Suddenly he came near me and said baby it’s me don’t get scared, I was like hubby you, ah and when I told him this thing after my delivery was over he was laughing.
As the baby was too up and stuck with my umbilical cord they had to push my belly from up, once they pushed my baby didn’t come down and one last we will do hardly they said to my husband, my husband told baby one last time bear it off, that is the most painful moment, as they pushed that last time, I heard my baby cry, my husband who was next to me was soothing my forehead and told me it’s a girl she is beautiful like you, tears started rolling down my eyes. Felt very proud of myself, yes I did it and just closed my eyes.
The only thing running in my mind at that time was yes it’s a girl I can dress her up nicely and click pictures with her.
As the process was still going on the sister brought my baby to show her to me, I was feeling weak but I could see her, what shocked me as I turned around was that my dear baby girl had opened her eyes, she saw me and smiled, I was like how babies smile like this. I wanted to kiss her, I was moving my head towards her, then the sister brought her towards me and removed the oxygen mask, I kissed my baby on her forehead, trust me that was the best moment in my life all that I wanted to tell my little girl that you are my doll, till my last breath I m here to protect, even if I m not there physically my soul will protect you.
As they took me to the recovery room I was just waiting for when I’ll be shifted to the other room as I was eagerly waiting to see my little one again.
The doctors and the staff congratulated me, one of the doctors asked me to remove my mask as she wanted to see my face, and she said your daughter is very beautiful and as I removed my mask she said oh mother is very beautiful so is the daughter. I thanked Dr. Chitra Ramamurthy for taking care through the entire pregnancy journey and also all the staff members for their care and concern.
As I was shifted to the room after a while, my little girl came in and she was observing everything. , I just felt like seeing her only. The whole day I never slept, I was just admiring my little beautiful angel …
We are blessed as we should thank God for giving us the best gift, as I see a lot of women suffering to conceive, my only motto in life is to be good to everyone if they insult you keep them where you have to keep them, don’t judge others, every individual on this earth have their problems, don’t make fun of others, all are not perfect, Don’t depend on others. Moreover, I’m not going to teach my daughter to be silent and accept things like me, I want to make her a bold woman and give proper answers to the people who insult her, or else people will stamp us in this era.
Even today I hear some people commenting about my c section, some say I do drama as they being a woman have gone on the same journey. I feel like telling damn it man it’s a cut in the body. I know the pain and later as I had typhoid and taking care of a baby is not that easy. Hopefully, such so-called people will never understand.
I felt like writing this experience as all of us have different experiences but as I became a mother my journey is wonderful with my little one and me being the so-called scary girl for everything understood only one thing that I’m bold I can do and face everything.
Thanks to my parents, husband, and the whole family who were with me on this beautiful journey of mine and who often cared and used to call and ask how my health was.